“Consider the stars in the sky;
When it is darkest they shine out the brightest
Consider the stars in the sky
In every anguish, Oh, child take courage
Do not be afraid
Do not be afraid
He who made all of this, and who holds all of this,
Holds you in his hands.” - Consider The Stars by Keith and Kristyn Getty
I sang this song as a special music piece at church when my dad was battling stage four cancer. He was no longer able to stand behind the pulpit and preach because the cancer had stolen his voice. I remember standing at the front of church watching him as I sang. As the typical Baptists we are, he and my mom sat in last row at the back of the church. I had chosen this song the same week he had chosen to preach on Psalm 8, provided the Lord had willed for his voice to return enough to preach that week. It hadn’t been His will but I wanted to sing this song anyways. It was a way to praise the Lord while bringing encouragement to my father, my family, myself, and our church family. I knew they were struggling watching my dad lose his fight. I knew my dad was struggling to accept that it seemed the Lord hadn’t planned for him to continue preaching until the day he would enter glory.
Now, if you don’t know me well, then I should let you know I cry easily. I’m crying even now as I write this. But God gave the grace and strength I needed that morning. Not only was I able to sing through this song without crying, I was able to sing it with joy. In that moment, the full weight of the truth of this song reached my aching and weary heart. “Do not be afraid. He who made all of this, and who holds all of this holds you in His hands.” He held me that day and has continued to hold me each day since.
Today, I’m embarking on my own journey of health and I find comfort in knowing I’m being held. My dad had a definite diagnosis. I don’t yet. And I may never have one. The doctors have no way of knowing yet whether my condition is just a one-time happening or if it will worsen and impact the remainder of my life here on earth. I’m stuck in that gray area called “The Middle”. It’s hard to know what to feel here. I feel relief in knowing that my health has not yet deteriorated enough for a life-impacting diagnosis to be made. But I also feel grief.
People often think of grief as something you only experience when you’ve lost a loved one. I was reminded, though, in a book I read about grief, that you can grieve many things. The loss of a loved one is certainly at the top of this list. But there’s also the loss of a stable relationship, the loss of your job, the loss of your house, and the loss of your health to name a few. And so I sit here this morning with this song on repeat as I continue to grieve the loss of my father (oh how I wish he was here to help me navigate all of this) and the loss of my confidence in the stability of the good health God has blessed me with over the years.
In the hours since I was told that I may be sick or I may not be sick...that only time will tell...I’ve been trying to figure out how I should be feeling. I don’t have that completely figured out yet, but I think I’m starting to. Franklin D. Roosevelt once said, “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the assessment that something is more important than fear.” When I consider that statement, my thoughts immediately jump to God being bigger than my fears. I haven’t figured out yet the formula to not being afraid. I have, though, figured out where the strength comes from to continue moving forward despite the fear, and that comes from my Lord and Savior.
So, as I continue to grieve my father, and fear that I will one day come to a point of grieving the loss of my health, I will rest in the peace of knowing the my God will continue to hold me in His hands. And because He holds me in His hands, I can navigate whichever journey of grief He chooses in His infinite wisdom to lead me through.
“When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him?” - Psalm 8:3-4
“My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all, and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father's hand.
I and the Father are one." - John 10:27-30
“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” - Psalm 46:1